In a blog all about self-mastery, improving health, both mental and physical, and overall performance optimization, I feel an advice section is due. I am going to tell you the most important things you need to know as a 20-year-old (but really, this advice is for any age), so you are better on track to see your full potential.
1. Stop thinking and just do. Action comes before motivation, not the other way around.
We tend to wait until the moment is right to do things that we know will improve our lives. First of all, the moment will never feel right, and even if it does, that is just the first step. If you rely solely on motivation for your action, you will not be on track to finish any goal. Motivation is fleeting, capricious, and unreliable. Do the thing you know has to be done, no matter how you feel, and it will eventually automatically just become part of your life.
2. Make your health your number 1 priority.
Being in good health is the foundation of everything. Everything feels like a big deal until you’re sick. Then suddenly, nothing else matters. If you are already healthy, just take care of yourself and preserve your health so you are free to do what you want. This is good for the long term and even the day-to-day. If you feel good, then you can make the most of each day. Don’t squander the golden opportunity that clean health is.
3. Learn a new language- it opens the door to so many new experiences and interactions.
With the amount of people in the world, I’d feel remiss to only be capable of communicating with those who speak my language. The little interactions you come across when knowing other languages feels amazing and so fulfilling. Aside from this, its great for your brain. The cognition required to not only learn but continue to retain and practice a new language (especially as an adult) is invaluable. It is also something that requires daily work, and this is good for building a diciplined foundation.
4. Either move away from home or travel frequently.
No, I do not mean take luxury vacations every six months. I understand that moving away from home or frequent travel is not realistic for everyone. What I really mean here is that it is crucial for your self-development to experience a new city, a new town, every once in a while. This is as simple as taking a mini road trip to the next town over for a day. Just take a break from seeing the same streets, the same stores, the same people every day, and feel your horizons broaden.
5. It’s okay to have casual friendships. You don’t need all your friends to be your best friends.
I used to be very all or nothing with my friends. We were either attached at the hip or nothing. Now, I realize it is perfectly fine and even beneficial to have more casual friendships. These, I have heard called “brunch friends,” are actually a major part of your social and, in turn, physical health. The combination of close relationships, casual relationships, and even acquaintances nurtures our social needs, and it’s actually a crucial combination for longevity. Remember, loneliness has been shown to be as damaging to the body as smoking.
6. If you find yourself comparing your timeline to someone else’s, shut this down immediately.
Comparing your timeline to others only distracts you from fully committing to your own. If you do not shut this down the second you start, it will slowly consume you until you are left with nothing. Trust me, you may see people who look like they are right on track, and then two years later, they are lost. Essentially, just focus on your individual path, because tuning out all the noise will get you further than you think.
7. Have these categories of hobbies: relaxation/ personal interest, self-education, and personal growth.
There can be a lot of overlap with these categories of hobbies, but make sure you do things in your own time that fall under them. Do you ever go out and meet people who have nothing but other people to talk about? Or they are only discussing what happened at the last party or night out. Don’t be boring like this. Odds are, one of your hobby categories will help your ability to keep a conversation going. Your relaxation hobby? Maybe someone you meet has the same one? Your self-education hobby? You actually become an interesting conversation starter when this topic is brought up in a social setting. Basically, don’t limit yourself, and notice how hobbies will make you the best version of yourself.
8. Read more books and actually finish them.
Reading is a fabulous use of time to help you combat social media fatigue. You can enrich your life immensely by replacing scrolling with reading in so many situations. Also, finish the books. Teach yourself that you need to finish what you start.
9. Drastically lessen your social media usage. Brain rot is real, but the effects are silent until the consequences catch up with you.
I urge you to check your screen time on your phone. Most of you are going to be shocked by the data. Put the phone down because it is literally destroying your brain and eroding your cognition. We should be able to sit in a waiting room or walk down the street without using a phone. If you feel uneasy doing this, it’s a sign that the brain rot is killing your dopamine regulation. Don’t worry, you can bounce back to baseline quicker than you think. Just please, start monitoring your screen time and set real limits.
10. Watch educational YouTube videos often.
There are enough of them out there that I am certain everyone can find videos on topics they enjoy. There are so many awesome creators now that educational videos are no longer boring lectures. This will replace your mindless scrolling because you still get internet usage, and you still enjoy the videos; it’s just that now you are actually benefiting from them.
11. Knowing what is holding you back is only the first step towards growth.
In order to dig yourself out of the abyss, you have to have a structured plan. Only identifying the problem isn’t the magic solution to actually fixing it.
12. Chronic stress is worse than all of your bad habits combined.
I remember vividly when I was working out all the time, eating perfectly clean, my routine blood work was a little off. My friend at the time happened to get similar blood work done, and hers came out perfect. I was confused because she constantly eats sugar, doesn’t work out, and overall has habits that do not align with good health. The one thing that differed between us was our stress levels. I was eating healthy, but I was stressed constantly and obsessing over it. I was exercising, but I was doing it with a feeling of pressure like I had to or else I’d get sick. She was just living life and not overthinking all her actions. She genuinely operated at very low stress levels. Now, I’m not saying eating badly will never catch up to you if you aren’t stressed. I am just saying that from this experience, I learned that you don’t want your good habits to go to waste by having stronger, more impactful bad ones.
13. Continual pleasure without discipline beforehand will slowly ruin you
When dopamine spikes without effort beforehand, motivation for effort later decreases. The brain learns, “Why work for reward when reward comes freely?” Slowly, discipline feels heavier. Focus shortens. Drive fades. Life begins to feel flat; not because you’re lazy, but because your reward system is overstimulated. This has detrimental effects on your long-term goals.
14. You are capable of acquiring almost any skill you desire.
I used to think my path was already set, but watching 30-year-olds master jiu-jitsu and dance from day one proved me wrong. You aren’t limited by who you used to be. Go out and learn what you’re passionate about today; you’ll surprise yourself with how far you can go.
15. To have confidence, you need proof that you are who you say you are.
Who you are and your achievements are not a collection of your ideas or things you say you are going to do. The confidence that comes when you are actively behaving like the person you claim to be is unmatched.
16. Seek the company of people who are smarter than you.
Being the smartest in the room means you are in the wrong room, and your progress will be hindered by staying.
17. Be a genuinely kind person- without letting people take advantage of it
Avoid surface-level niceties and forced flattery. There’s nothing more off-putting than a fake, over-the-top tone or empty compliments. It feels entirely disingenuous. Instead, aim for a grounded neutrality. Show genuine care for others, but maintain your boundaries. You can be kind without overextending yourself to the point where people mistake your warmth for naivety.
18. If your tasks are suffering because of relationship anxiety, you need to focus on yourself more
Personal growth doesn’t require being single; in fact, a healthy relationship can often highlight the parts of ourselves that still need healing. However, if a conflict with your partner begins to consume your mental space and hinder your productivity, it’s a sign that you’ve ‘decentered’ yourself. Your needs must remain the priority, with the relationship serving as a supplement to your life, not the foundation of it. If a partnership consistently drains you more than it fulfills you, have the courage to walk away before the cost becomes too high. Whether partnered or single, your fulfillment is your own responsibility and must come first.
19. The more you nurture your own life, the more magnetic you become
The more developed a person you are, the more confident you are, and the more people will gravitate towards you. If you find yourself hoping people will like you back, build a stronger internal bond with yourself and notice how people are drawn to you. People can sense desperate energy; they will be drawn to you most when they feel you don’t need them.
20. You don’t have all the answers- you haven’t even heard half the questions
It’s common to feel like finally reaching adulthood means you really see the world for what it is. Because this is far from reality, this overconfidence is often mirrored by an uneasy confusion. This is why feeling unsure early on isn’t a failure of intelligence or ambition; it’s a natural consequence of limited perspective. Embrace this and do not feel the need to be wiser than your years. The world is far bigger, more complex, and more nuanced than it appears from one environment, one set of influences, or one season of life. Without enough reference points, the mind fills in gaps with assumptions, expectations, and borrowed beliefs. Don’t mistake these things for deserved, acquired wisdom.
As you move through different spaces, new cities, routines, relationships, and challenges, your understanding expands. What once felt like uncertainty becomes discernment. You stop demanding answers from a version of yourself that hasn’t yet encountered the information required to form.
Conclusion
These are my favorite lessons I learned in my early 20s. No need to feel pressured to see these as strict rules; just let them invite some introspection and thought into your life.
more on practices to be the best version of yourself on carolinana.com
This list hit so close to home on so many levels, I just had to do a deeper dive.